NHL=Nonstop Hockey Love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5hWhlHr5rk

I love hockey, but I also love Mitch Hedberg and his jokes. RIP Mitch

"I want to hang a map of the world in my house then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down."

"I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it."

"Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers, and when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it’s kinda like they’re saying, “Here, you throw this away.”

"I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something."

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. “Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis”…one of those two doesn’t sound right."

"My manager saw me drinking backstage and he said “Mitch, don’t use liquor as a crutch.” I can’t use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely f@cks up the way I walk. It ain’t like a crutch, it’s like a step I didn’t see."